I've been trying to take a picture of my newly formed biceps but none of the photos make it seem like I have any muscles at all. Given the weight fluctuations I've had in the last 20+ years, my arms are largely wings of fat and skin which hang down when I hold my arm out, swallowing any muscle flex in it's soft, pillowy embrace.
But the thing about lifting, and muscle growth, is that what you can't see can still be felt.
My tiny biceps are larger than they were in November, when I started this whole thing.
My thighs, which have never been small, are more solid to the touch.
My traps, and pecs, and forearms, and all these muscles all over are being used in ways I neglected to use them for almost my entire life. Which means I'm also not pulling muscles like I would just a few short months ago.
My calves are .. well, calves are tough. We won't go there.
But I can feel these changes, this growth, both internally and externally. My shirt sleeves are tighter. Picking things up is easier. Holding my camera up for extended periods of time to photograph little birds flitting around isn't nearly as physically stressful as it used to be (it is still very emotionally stressful. Hold still, you little shits).
Even if I couldn't feel the changes, or see my little baby biceps when I look at my own arm, there is other evidence that I'm getting stronger. I can see it in raw numbers.
Shoulder press 5 lbs ➡️ 25 lbs
Chest press 5 lbs ➡️ 25 lbs
Rows 5 lbs ➡️ 35 lbs
Where I couldn't do a squat before, now I can do 10 in a row.
I erroneously refer to myself as feeling weak when my rest days turn in to a rest week. But it's not weakness. It's not even a loss of any of what I've gained. It's just my body finding itself again now that I'm not asking so much from it.
Which is why I wrote this ode to my tiny biceps – to have a reminder that I'm a work in progress, always.
It's been awhile, huh?
A whole ass month. Things felt really really intense, at the macro level, and also really intense on the micro.
Here's some stuff I loved from the last month:
- H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald
- Seeing friends who live near and far, when I could, because they came near. One day I will go far to see them.
- Going to Providence with Dan and eating entirely too much vegan food (even though said vegan place is now closed and it makes me endlessly sad).
- A winter trip to Hampton and Salisbury Beach, even though I referred to myself as a "terribly huge oxen" at one point in the day, at a different beach, because I kept sinking through several feet of snow. The day yielded some frustrations, but also some amazing things. A Savannah Sparrow, some Horned Larks, and another friendly bunch of Sanderlings who were very obliging when I wanted to take their photo. Or 500 photos. Also seal!
- Buying Dovetail Workwear pants.
Here's a few (bird) photos from the month just to bulk up this post.
All birds all the time!
Thanks for sitting out my post about working out. I promise it's not my entire personality now. Only part of it.
Until next time, nerds!
